Winter
by shipper-swabbie
Summary: Some of Finn's musings during 2x10. References to 2x09  obviously . And it's ANGSTY! FR. Oneshot. Reviews are love!


A/N: GOOD, LORD I'M SUCH A FIC WHORE! I should _not_ be writing something new when I have 2(!) stories on the go, but DAMNIT! I needed to write this! You know what else? I'm sorry, for I am also an Angst Whore. This was supposed to be fluff, but then Joshua Radin's "Winter" came on my shuffle and well- You know, this happened.

Ok, but really, if you have never heard the song "Winter" before: You. Must. Listen. It's amazing. It's easily one of my All Time Favourite songs ever. I'm going to marry Josh Radin someday because of it. You'll be invited.

Spoilers for 2x09 and 2x10 obviously; But really- You shouldn't be reading fanfic if you haven't watched those episodes yet!

Disclaimer: I don't own Rachel or Finn, (if I did, none of this break-up BS would've happened). Nor do I own Josh's lyrics, for that matter; but that will all change once we're married.

* * *

Splinter

* * *

...

_I should know who I am by now _

_I walk, the record stand some how_

_Thinking of winter_

_Your name is the splinter inside me_

_..._

She always knew who she was, what she wanted to be. He loves(d) that about her. Her confidence, her certainty. That's why he couldn't understand it. If she was always _so damn_ sure about everything, why did she do this to him? She should have known he wouldn't have let that break them. She should have trusted him. She should have believed in him. In them.

She always did before.

_..._

_And I remember the sound_

_Of your November downtown_

_And I remember the truth_

_A warm December with you_

_..._

He bought her a Christmas present, it almost a month ago. They were walking in the mall and she seen something shine in the window. It didn't matter what it was or how much it cost, all that mattered was how her eyes lit up as she admired it.

They still do, when she looks at him. Maybe if they didn't it, would make everything easier. Make it hurt less.

He went back to the mall later that day- 15 minutes before it closed- to buy that trinket for her. He begged them to wrap it, even though the person at the gift wrapping station had left an hour ago. He didn't care, he needed it to be perfect for her, something better than what he could have done. She deserved perfect.

Now it sat underneath his bed collecting dust. He couldn't give it to her, not now. He wondered if that maybe it wasn't so perfect after all. The paper on it bunched up where the ribbons sat and the tag was crooked.

Before now, it always seemed perfect to him.

_..._

_But I don't have to make this mistake_

_And I don't have to stay this way_

_If only I would wake_

_..._

He knew how easy it would be. He could just walk up to her and say he understood; that all the hurt she put him through didn't matter as long as she loved him.

He wanted to believe that it was true, but it wouldn't be. It would be a mistake. It wouldn't be real.

He wanted it to be real.

_..._

_The walk has all been cleared by now_

_Your voice is all I hear somehow_

_Calling out winter_

_Your voice is the splinter inside me_

_While I wait_

...

He said no to her in the auditorium because he knew what would happen if he let her sing. It would be sweet and beautiful and genuine, but it would hurt. It would tear him apart because one second she'd be singing and the world made sense, but then the next second reality would come crashing down on him and he would remember what she did, and nothing would make sense anymore. Everything would twist and turn and hurt inside him because no matter how hard he wishes it could, her voice can't erase what she did.

_..._

_I could have lost myself_

_In rough, blue waters in your eyes_

_And I miss you still_

_..._

Every time she looked at him, it was impossible to say no. The warm chocolate so familiar and welcoming. Like coming home.

He just wanted to go home.

_..._

_I remember the sound_

_Of your November downtown_

_And I remember the truth_

_A warm December with you_

_..._

"I'm officially breaking up with you."

He needed to take some time. He needed to heal.

Maybe if he could make her believe it, then he would believe it, too.

_..._

_But I don't have to make this mistake_

_And I don't have to stay this way_

...

He pulled himself away from her. Turned from her. It didn't feel real, it didn't feel _right _walking away from her.

It was a nightmare, _nothing _felt real or right anymore.

_..._

_If only I would wake..._

_

* * *

_A/N2: Oh hey! You know what would make me feel better about the current FR situation? A review. If you do, I might try and make _you _feel better and write some fluff during our hiatus!

ILY Forevah,

-J.


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